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Tag: sleep

Would you like some cheese with that?

This is my third re-write of this post because no matter how I put the words down, it just feels like I’m whining. I guess I kind of am, but I just have to get it out somewhere, you know?

I’m so tired, you guys. The baby isn’t sleeping well. The 4-year-old isn’t sleeping well. Certain other members of my household are constantly on edge. I wake up in the morning just as tired as I was when I went to bed the night before. I am pretty much walking around in a constant state of exhaustion.

I can’t get anything done at home because when I actually have a few minutes of free time? That’s when the baby wants to nurse or be held and I can’t deny him that. I get so little time with him as it is. The house is a mess. My checkbook is a mess. There is laundry everywhere that needs to be either folded or put away. I have to-do lists a mile long and yet I can’t seem to get anything crossed off.

On top of that, Caleb and I have both had a cold for the last couple weeks that just will not go away. I know that is contributing to my sluggish state, but I’m too stubborn (and cheap) to actually go to the doctor.

I have slipped back into my full-on Diet Coke addiction because if I’m not constantly pumping caffeine into my body I just can’t stay awake. I know it is horrible for me, but I don’t do coffee and when I drink tea I want to pump it full of sugar. I get enough sugar from my chocolate stash that I also use to keep myself awake. I can feel myself dragging and know this won’t fix it, but it is my go-to when there isn’t time to take care of my body the right way.

I keep telling myself that this time will pass. It will get better. When he’s older it will be easier. The first year with every baby has been hard. This one just happens to be the hardest, because I also have two other kids that depend on me. Everybody needs Mom – all at the same time – and there isn’t enough of me to go around.

Mostly, I just feel like I’m letting everybody down – including myself. I can’t be everything. I can’t do everything. I want to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect employee, the perfect photographer, the perfect everything, but right now I feel like I’m hitting the bottom of the scale in all areas.


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In A Blink

I keep finding myself thinking back to when Zach was a baby. Looking back now, it seems like life was so simple then. My world completely revolved around him. There were no other distractions. There was plenty of time to sit and cuddle and get totally lost in his sweet little baby face.

With Caleb being baby number three, I feel like I so rarely get that time to just sit and enjoy his babyness. I feel like I blinked my eyes and BOOM! He’s three months old already. He’s growing and changing so fast.


The mommy guilt? Oh man, is it ever setting in. While I’m trying to savor every minute I can with Caleb, I feel like I’m totally ignoring the other two kids. I see the behaviors coming out and the begging for attention. It is impossible with the limited time we have together at home to give everyone all of the attention they need. The hardest part is when I am feeding the baby and cannot help the other two with what they are needing in that moment. Not to mention the husband who has been feeling totally neglected since the baby arrived.

On top of trying to juggle the new baby while sticking as close as possible to our normal routine, I’m trying to get my little photography business rolling again. Just as it was gaining momentum I had to take a break (due to being massively pregnant)…that turned into about 6 months. Winter would have been slow anyway, but not taking on clients for 6 months was kind of a killer.  What that time did give me though, was a lot of time to think through what I am doing and make some changes. I’m now getting a bit of a do-over, or fresh start, and hope to make things better this time around. (Speaking of which, have you seen my gorgeous new logo?) This all takes time though, so I find myself having to choose between the business I want to grow, my family, and sleep. Guess which one loses out?


If you guessed sleep, you would be correct. Fortunately, once I do get to bed I can actually sleep. I just don’t get enough hours in. Caleb is still sleeping through the night, which is a true blessing. He usually snoozes off and on after about 8:00, zonks out completely around 10:00 or 11:00, and then sleeps solid until at least 6:00, sometimes later. Then he nurses and goes right back to sleep. I can deal with that. It does make it hard for me to get up though, because after that 6am nursing session I like to snuggle in bed with him instead of getting up and starting my day.

So, let’s get back to why I originally started this blog post and talk about how awesome my sweet baby Caleb is, shall we?


Caleb turned 3 months old on Saturday and celebrated this amazing feat by rolling over for the first time. He had been working on it for several days with no success. Saturday night he was a little restless so I put him down in the floor on a blanket and sat down to play with him for a bit. He kept trying to twist his body and finally, after several attempts, he made it all the way over from his back to his tummy. After I helped get his arm out from underneath him, he was quite proud of himself and had a huge smile on his face. I cheered and even clapped for him until I realized that I could no longer leave him on the bed by himself.


He has also discovered that he has hands and feet that he can control. He found his hands a while ago, but the feet are a pretty new discovery. Whenever he sits up in the Bumbo or another chair, he will stick his feet up in the air and stare as he wiggles them around.


Over the last couple of days he has also discovered that he has a thumb that moves independently from the rest of his hand. And that he can stick said thumb in his mouth and suck on it. He has taken a pacifier from day one, but suddenly he is spitting it out in favor of the thumb. I’ve never had a thumb sucker before and I’m not sure whether I want to try to stop it now or have to deal with breaking the habit later. He’s pretty intent on having it in his mouth right now. He has sucked that thumb so much today that the tip of it is bright red. I guess he had to throw something new at me though, seeing as he’s nearly perfect in every other way.

Yep, still at it! He likes the thumb.


For the Love of Sleep


It almost seems wrong to say anything, for fear that it will never happen again, but Sunday night Caleb slept for 8 1/2 hours straight without waking.

8 1/2 HOURS.

Now, I love sleep just as much as the rest of you, but I have to say that when my alarm woke me up instead of a baby waking me I went into panic mode. Okay, maybe not full on panic, but definitely a state of confusion. It took me a minute to figure out where the strange sound was coming from and even longer to figure out why the baby was still in the bassinet and not in bed with me.

Granted, I did not go to bed at the same time he did so I didn’t get the full 8 1/2 hours in, but I did manage to get at least six consecutive hours of sleep and it felt SO good.

When he did wake up, he was quite unhappy that his tummy was so empty but we quickly remedied that. If you’ve ever breastfed a baby, you know that 8 1/2 hours without feeding the baby or pumping is quite uncomfortable so I was more than happy to comply with his screaming demands.

I’m still a little in shock that he slept so long and keep thinking that it has to be some kind of fluke. My older two did not sleep through the night this early so I didn’t expect it at all. I could certainly get used it though!

Update! — He slept 9 1/2 hours last night and I feel amazing today! Keeping my fingers crossed that this is the new schedule!

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Dear Body

Dear Body,

It is time for us to have a little chat.  I really thought that we were getting a little more in sync with each other, but this past month or so you’ve been letting me down.

Back in July, I was feeling good.  You were doing your part – exercising, not pushing me toward the chocolate when I wanted to feed you zucchini, and just being there for me when I needed you.  Things were going really well.

Then August came along.  You performed really well for me on race day.  I even gave you a bit of a break the week after with the intention of revving back up after a few days of rest.  The problem is, you never really revved back up.  Workouts have been sluggish and most of the time you won’t even let me wake up to do them.  I diligently set the alarm for 5:30 every day, giving you plenty of time to wake by 6:00 for our morning run but you keep hitting the snooze and letting me sleep right through.  Are you really just trying to sabotage all of my efforts?

Then there is the whole sleeping thing itself.  Why can you not just rest when it is time to rest?  I know there is the whole allergy onslaught that happens every year around this time that is making you tired.  Then, there is the stress of Zachary starting school, the new routine, the tantruming 2-year-old, and the fact that you rarely even get to sit down in the evenings until after 9:00.  All of this should make you more tired.  When you actually get to go to bed you should be ready to sleep, not toss and turn all night long so that I feel completely drained the next day like I haven’t slept at all (except for those sweet hours between 5:00-7:00 when you seem to want to sleep while I should be waking up).  I mean really, it can’t possibly be me keeping you up when all I want is eight glorious hours of sleep, right?

Oh, and about all those chocolate chip cookies you keep shoving in your mouth?  STOP IT.  I know we’re a little short on groceries right now, but I’ve been coming up with nice (fairly) healthy meals for you despite that challenge.  There’s really no reason to keep showing off and proving the point that I have no control over you.  You are not going to starve.  I know for a fact there are plenty of reserves down there in the hip region.

I really only have three requests:

  1. Give me a good solid 7-8 hours of sleep a night without tossing and turning or strange back pains.
  2. Wake up on time for a run at least 3-4 times a week.
  3. Quit shoving junk into your mouth.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask.  Can we work together on this?  I’ve given up a lot for you, including my Diet Coke (well, all but one a day anyway) which fuels me throughout the day with its wonderful caffeine flow.  I really think you should work with me here.

Oh, and there is one more thing.  If you could just dissolve that little cyst in my foot that is causing me problems, that would be great.  I might even forgive you for the cookies.

If you have any questions or concerns, please contact me at your earliest convenience (as long as it is not in the middle of the night).


The Brain

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Who Needs Sleep?

One of the dangers of being the Mom of this household is that I rarely get a moment to myself.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I get about 15 minutes to myself to shower in the mornings as long as the kids don’t wake up early.  Plus, if I time it just right, I can escape to the bathroom for a minute or two at a time before the kids start banging on the door.  Other than that, I’m pretty much out of luck unless everyone (including hubby) goes to bed before me.

To combat this lack of alone time, I’ve started staying up later and later at night.  About the only time I can accomplish anything is after the kids are put to bed.  This usually doesn’t happen until around 9:00, and then I have to balance the remaining time with the hubby, household chores, meal planning, bill paying, reading, web design, blogging, photo editing, knitting, and all of the millions of other things I enjoy doing.  Oh, and don’t forget keeping up with my favorite shows!  It’s all quite exhausting just thinking about it.

Recently I’ve been working on building a new web site for the church we’ve been attending.  It has taken up pretty much every free moment I can find over the last few weeks between communicating with team members, updating information, troubleshooting, editing, and creating new content.  The only way I can feel like I’m accomplishing anything is to spend a couple of hours a night on it and it still has a long way to go to become the site I want it to be.

While I’m definitely enjoying the challenge of creating this web site, it is wearing on me quickly.   Each night seems to get later and later as I strive to get just one more little thing done.  Then, when I finally give up for the night, my head is still racing so I need a distraction before I can fall asleep.  So I go to bed, pick up my book, and read until I’m ready to fall asleep.  Before I know it, it’s 1:30 a.m. and I have yet to turn out the lights.

This would all be just fine if I could sleep in until 9:30 or 10:00 the next morning, but unfortunately, the alarm goes off at 6:30 and it’s time to start another day.  As much as I wish it was, five hours of sleep just isn’t enough.  Somehow, I need to teach myself to shut down a little earlier.  My body is going to give out sooner or later.

The good news is that tonight is my TV night.  I plan to leave the computer turned off, settle in my chair with my knitting and watch three entire hours of good shows.  With a little luck, I may even get to bed an hour or two earlier.

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Finding a Small Slice of Sanity

Santa Visit

I did two things this weekend that I haven’t done in a very long time.

  1. I slept in until 12:30 p.m.
  2. I spent three entire hours completely by myself (not counting the hours sleeping)

I actually didn’t do either of those things on purpose but I sure as heck enjoyed them!

I crawled out of bed around 8:00 Saturday morning because Evie wasn’t going to let me sleep anymore.  Just as I got to the bedroom door, Hubby was walking in and said, “Oh, I was just coming to get her so you could sleep for a while.”  After the choir of angels stopped singing, I handed Evie off and went back to bed.  About an hour later (or so it seemed) Hubby came back with her because she needed to nurse.  He also mentioned that it was 12:30 and I might want to get up.

I’m not sure when the last time I slept that long was.  I obviously needed it, but my first thought was that I had way too much to get done and there was no way I could do it all.  We had plans to meet some friends for dinner at 4:30.  By the time I finished nursing Evie and crawled out of my stupor, it was 1:00.  By the time I fed the kids some lunch, showered, threw in a load of laundry, and bathed the kids (because I was too lazy to do it the night before) it was time for us to leave.  I didn’t accomplish a single thing that I had wanted to get done that morning.

We spent a really nice evening with friends and ended up getting home later than planned.  Between the combination of staying up late the night before and the many beers he had throughout the evening, Hubby was ready to crash early.  He took Zach to bed with him where they snuggled and watched TV for a while until they both fell sound asleep.  Evie and I snuggled on the couch for a while until she passed out.  I put her in bed, woke Hubby enough to tell him where I was going and headed to the grocery store at 10:30 p.m.

I never realized just how relaxing it is to grocery shop at 10:30 at night.  The store was nearly empty.  If it weren’t for the very talkative (and very slow) cashier, it would have been a near perfect shopping experience.  I got home around 11:30, put groceries away, cleaned up the kitchen, living room, and playroom, finished watching a movie I had started earlier, and read two chapters of my book before I heard the familiar cries of a hungry baby.

When I looked at the clock it was 2:00 a.m.  I was still wide awake but figured I should try to get some sleep so I got Evie and snuggled up with her in Zach’s bed (since he was in mine).

Even though I spent the majority of that time grocery shopping and cleaning up the house, it was probably the most relaxing three hours I’ve had in months.  I don’t think I realized just how much I need that time to myself every once in a while.  I think it is more than just having time to myself though.  I need time to myself at home where I can do exactly what I want to do and not have anyone expecting anything from me.  Even with the little amount of sleep I got that night, I felt entirely refreshed the next day.

Sunday morning we got up and took the kids to visit Santa at the mall.  I was a little worried about how Evie would react, but as it turns out Zach was the one I should have worried about.  He was totally excited and ready to see Santa until he got up there.  As soon as they started trying to take pictures he put on his grump face and refused to smile.  He wasn’t mad or upset at all, he was just refusing to smile.  The one time he accidentally cracked a smile, he covered his mouth up with his arm.  Evie, on the other hand, was a perfect little angel.  After checking out Santa’s beard for a minute she was all smiles.

After the Santa visit, Zach and his bigger cousins got to go play at Monkey Bizness while my sister, mom, and I shopped for a bit with the little kids.  All in all, it was a good but exhausting day.  There was however an extra bonus to all the craziness – Evie slept from 11:30 to 5:30 this morning which is the longest stretch she’s slept in quite a while.

The major downside is that I still haven’t managed to start making my nephew’s birthday present which was my one big goal for the weekend.  It looks like I’ll have some late nights this week working on it so I can have it ready for his birthday party next Saturday!

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