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Tag: growing up

The End of an Era

(Before I get started, if you are reading this on my actual site, I apologize for the hideous look. I started playing with my template and then ran out of time to finish it…a few weeks ago. I’ll get around to it someday.)


Caleb has officially weaned himself. It has been eight days since he last breastfed (though we’ve been down to only a bedtime feeding for a while). It became apparent a few weeks ago that he was no longer satisfied with simply snuggling and nursing. He wanted to take his milk and roam around the room, which didn’t work so well when his milk was attached to my boob. I’ve been fighting the gymnastics and biting for a while now, so in a way I’m glad that he has decided to make this break. He will still occasionally tug on my shirt, but if I ask if he would like a cup, he’ll run to the kitchen and happily take a sippy cup with milk or water in it.

I have mixed feelings about all of this. On one hand, I’ve been ready to move on and have my body to myself again, but on the other, I already miss the snuggling and bonding, and the ability to instantly comfort him simply by lifting my shirt. And then there is the whole part of me that keeps saying, but he’s my BABYYYYYYYY! Not only that, but he’s my last baby. I’ll never get to experience that kind of bonding again. I know not everyone has a good experience with breastfeeding, but for me it was just absolutely lovely (not to say that I didn’t have some struggles, but overall it was good). I loved that I could provide for my children in that way and I am a little sad that it has come to an end. I spent over three years of my life (39 months total) nursing my babies – Caleb being the longest at 17 months. They each weaned themselves when they were ready. It just seems hard to believe that that part of my life is now done.

Caleb is a full-on walking, talking, opinionated toddler. Evie starts kindergarten in a couple of weeks, and Zach already has the attitude of a pre-teen at only eight years old. My babies are growing up, and while there are benefits to this (they are finally starting to do some chores!), right now I’m a little nostalgic for those baby years. I truly have no desire to have another baby. Our family is 100% complete as it is, but I’m still a little sad that I’ll never have the experience of holding my own newborn baby again. I’ll just have to find someone else’s baby to hold now and then.

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Zach turns seven today and for some reason I am a mopey mess of emotions about it. My BABY is SEVEN! I’m blaming this crazy emotional state of mine on the residual hormone changes from birthing my last baby (who is already 4 months old!) and the fact that said baby is practically a little mini-me of Zach. The personalities are different, but my two boys look so very much alike that it is hard to look at Caleb and not think about sitting and holding Zach as an infant. Looking at the two of them just reinforces how quickly it all goes by. He may be turning seven today, but I’m pretty sure when I blink my eyes he’ll be 18 and moving away from home. Although, he has assured me that when he moves out he’ll just buy the house next to mine or maybe across the street so he can still come visit a lot. I suppose I can live with that.


Since his party isn’t until Saturday and Daddy won’t be home tonight, we decided to celebrate a little bit last night. We took him out for the dinner of his choice (which ended up being McDonald’s), had ice cream for dessert, and then let him open his birthday gifts from the family.



I’d say he is pretty happy with his gifts. He would have been even happier if I would have let him stay up all night and finish building his new Legos, but even 7-year-olds need their sleep.

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The Boy


He won’t let me take a decent photo of him anymore. I get silly faces or poses every time.

He knows more than mom and dad all of a sudden and is very unhappy when we tell him otherwise.

He doesn’t like loud noises unless he is the one making them.

He would eat nothing but bologna and cheese sandwiches if we let him get away with it.

He would wear only sweatpants and t-shirts if it weren’t for the required school uniform.

He loves his family immensely, including his cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

He is incredibly smart, and is now reading and writing words and sentences.

He is better at video games than I am.

He is obsessed with all things Mario and Luigi.

He adores his little sister, even though when asked he’ll tell you he doesn’t like her.

He is still so little and vulnerable, even though he tries to act tough.

He is learning to deal with his anger in more appropriate ways.

He has almost made it through a full year of kindergarten, even though it has been scary and difficult.

He has started trying new foods again, even though 9 times out of 10 he’ll spit them right back out.

He wore blue jeans for the first time in over a year yesterday, because I asked him to for his school pictures. He didn’t complain and decided they weren’t so bad.

He held his little sister’s hand this morning when she was scared to go down the stairs by herself, and then opened the car door for her. This was after he corrected her for not saying please when she asked me for her cereal.

He is growing up, whether I like it or not.

He makes my heart swell with pride.


The last year has been a difficult one, but I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know if it is the OT sessions, the adaptations we’ve made both at home and at school, or just simply maturity on his part, but I’ve gone from feeling helpless to hopeful and that’s enough to get me through.


The First Cap and Tassel

Tuesday night Zachary stood up on stage with a huge smile on his face, a blue cap and tassel on his head and officially graduated from preschool.


Next month he’ll turn five years old. A couple months after that he’ll start kindergarten.


This all just seems so huge right now. I can’t believe he’s getting so big. Five years goes by in a flash. Before I know it he’ll be graduating from high school and then college (hopefully). It’s just too much to think about right now. At least I don’t have to worry about when he’ll have his first girlfriend.


He’s already done that.

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