Category: Caleb

Tuesdays With Caleb

Published by dee on January 6, 2015

Perhaps it was all of the sleep that I managed to get in over the holidays, or maybe it is just the time of year, but I’m suddenly feeling the need to write, to photograph, to be creative. I’ve been knitting like crazy (3 hats and 2 scarfs in the last week!), and I’m really missing the feel of my camera in my hands.

When I think over the last year or so I realize how little focus I have had on my photography. I had a blast at Shutterfest, my first photography conference, last April. I came home energized and full of ideas and things that I couldn’t wait to try. Then life happened and my focus went back to just getting through the daily grind while photography took a back seat. I took plenty of photos, great ones even, but I don’t feel like I improved much.

One of my biggest regrets over the last year is not taking the time to just photograph the every day. Sure, I have lots of dark, blurry, iphone camera shots, but I don’t have a lot of great photos that really tell the story of our lives this past year. I’ve gotten lazy about taking my big camera out to capture those moments. When I scroll through my Facebook and Instagram feeds I find myself feeling envious of the great photos that are being taken during the simple moments by my friends. I think how precious those memories will be some day when they look back at the timeline of their lives. I realized even more how much I have missed documenting when I looked back at some old photos of my own this week. The curls on my toddler daughter’s head (that are now as straight as can be), photos of Zach learning to walk, playing with a caterpillar in the front yard. I don’t want to miss those moments.

As I watched Caleb play today, in the amazing early afternoon sun shining through our living room window, I realized how much I am missing of these days (even though I spend more time with him than I was able to with either of the other kids). I decided then that I wanted to commit to capturing more of his childhood. I’ve been thinking about starting a new photo project this year to help keep me focused on improving my skills, but a 365 project is too daunting to take on right now. I’ve been thinking about a selfie project, but I would probably never complete that either. However, a project featuring one of my favorite subjects might just be doable. So, I decided today that I will attempt a “Project 52”, posting one photo a week (at least) of Caleb and his shenanigans.

I’m going to call it “Tuesdays With Caleb” as Tuesdays are one of the days that we get to spend together every week – just the two of us. I’m super creative with the titling, see?

Today I took five minutes out just to shoot him playing. I love that he went and got his little toy camera out and was taking some shots of me as well. I will most likely post a few of my favorites here and at least one shot on Instagram/FB each week, on Tuesday even, if I can keep up. Hopefully, this will help me hold myself accountable as well as help me practice and improve my skills as the year goes by.

Play time with Caleb

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Caleb

Published by dee on November 7, 2014

This kid.
caleb-1 He is the light at the end of the tunnel after a hard day. He is also generally the source of my biggest frustrations. He’s all love and cuddles one second and then a big pile of tantruming goo the next. He is two, more terrible than not most days. He is brilliant and funny and ornery and kind and curious and is growing up way too fast.

caleb-2 Today was one of those hard days. I had a lot of work to get done and not really enough time to do it all. It was a stressful and emotional week. Caleb had a rough night with very little sleep and I was dreading the day before it even began. It was a work at home day for me, which means it was just Caleb and I all day long.

caleb-3 He needed attention…constantly. I needed to focus on my work. He needed snacks, a change of clothes and a bath (potty training is fun!), wanted mommy to play, and then was begging for lunch at 10:00 a.m. When he finished his sandwich, he said, “Mommy downstairs take pictures?” (which is also code for the one thing mommy rarely says no to). Did I mention how smart he is?

So we took a break. We went outside, snapped a few pictures, checked out the berries growing in our yard, walked around, made a leaf pile, and played. He of course screamed and fought me when it was time to come in, but those few minutes were a much needed break. The afternoon was filled with more neediness and frustration (for both of us), but we made it through.

caleb-4 It won’t be long before this time with him will be over. He’ll be off to school and I’ll be left here in the too quiet house. I am so thankful for a job that allows me to work part of my time at home. I love that I get to have that extra time with him that I never was able to have with the other two kids, even though some days are so very hard.

There are a million things on my plate that I should be doing instead, but I wanted to write this down. I want to remember it all – the good and the bad.

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The End of an Era

Published by dee on August 1, 2013

(Before I get started, if you are reading this on my actual site, I apologize for the hideous look. I started playing with my template and then ran out of time to finish it…a few weeks ago. I’ll get around to it someday.)

Caleb has officially weaned himself. It has been eight days since he last breastfed (though we’ve been down to only a bedtime feeding for a while). It became apparent a few weeks ago that he was no longer satisfied with simply snuggling and nursing. He wanted to take his milk and roam around the room, which didn’t work so well when his milk was attached to my boob. I’ve been fighting the gymnastics and biting for a while now, so in a way I’m glad that he has decided to make this break. He will still occasionally tug on my shirt, but if I ask if he would like a cup, he’ll run to the kitchen and happily take a sippy cup with milk or water in it.

I have mixed feelings about all of this. On one hand, I’ve been ready to move on and have my body to myself again, but on the other, I already miss the snuggling and bonding, and the ability to instantly comfort him simply by lifting my shirt. And then there is the whole part of me that keeps saying, but he’s my BABYYYYYYYY! Not only that, but he’s my last baby. I’ll never get to experience that kind of bonding again. I know not everyone has a good experience with breastfeeding, but for me it was just absolutely lovely (not to say that I didn’t have some struggles, but overall it was good). I loved that I could provide for my children in that way and I am a little sad that it has come to an end. I spent over three years of my life (39 months total) nursing my babies – Caleb being the longest at 17 months. They each weaned themselves when they were ready. It just seems hard to believe that that part of my life is now done.

Caleb is a full-on walking, talking, opinionated toddler. Evie starts kindergarten in a couple of weeks, and Zach already has the attitude of a pre-teen at only eight years old. My babies are growing up, and while there are benefits to this (they are finally starting to do some chores!), right now I’m a little nostalgic for those baby years. I truly have no desire to have another baby. Our family is 100% complete as it is, but I’m still a little sad that I’ll never have the experience of holding my own newborn baby again. I’ll just have to find someone else’s baby to hold now and then.

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Caleb – 16 Months

Published by dee on June 21, 2013

Dear Caleb,

My dear, sweet, loving, cuddly, little miracle surprise baby, I love you with all my heart. I’ll admit that when I found out I was pregnant with you I was scared. I wasn’t sure how I would manage to keep up with another baby, but I fell in love with you and all of those worries went away. I honestly cannot imagine what our family would be without you in it any more. You truly do complete us. It melts my heart to see the way your big brother and sister adore you. I just can’t see it being any other way.

However, the last few months have been extremely challenging for all of us. You see, you started walking, and with that new found ability to move (fast!) you also gained a new sense of independence…and attitude. I’m really proud of all of the new advances you are making, I really am. I just need you to stop every once in a while and take a break from touching and climbing and jumping off of ALL THE THINGS! You are quite a force to be reckoned with these days and you are wearing this old mama out.

There really is no containing you any more, aside from strapping you in a car seat, which causes screams that bring the neighbors running to see what is wrong (not really, but I’m surprised they haven’t yet). You have already managed to climb over the side of your crib, have nearly gotten over the side of the pack ‘n’ play, have escaped your “baby jail”, and figured out how to open doors. This week you also managed to escape from the seat of a shopping cart (while strapped in – thankfully I turned back around at just the right second) and the stroller (while also strapped in). Oh, and also the high chair. When you are done eating you are outta there, one way or another. The only thing you have not managed to break and/or escape from (as long as it is properly closed) is the living room gate, but I’m sure that time is coming.

Once you have managed to escape from whatever latest contraption we were trying to contain you in, you are into E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G! I am not exaggerating. You seriously have to have someone 1-on-1 with you at all times to keep you from getting into things that you shouldn’t. Perhaps I have not baby proofed as well as I should have because I got a little relaxed with the other two being older, but pretty much if there is anything within your sight that you want, you will find a way to get to it. I have found you standing on top of tables, on top of the back of the sofa and chairs in the living room, and even standing on toys so you could reach just a little farther. There is no stopping you.

Your other favorite pastime seems to be annoying your older brother. One of your favorite things to do is to turn the TV off when he is mid-show, or even worse, in a crucial part of a video game. You also constantly grab his glasses from his face (and mine) which gets old really quick. He’ll let you slide a couple times, but after that he gets a little angry. You better watch out because paybacks are hell, and boy do you have it coming! It’s a good thing that he loves you so much, because there is no one else he would be so patient with.

And can we just talk about this sleep thing for a minute? It took me 13 months, yes THIRTEEN MONTHS, to finally get you sleeping through the night in your own bed. I swear the first morning I woke up and realized you were still asleep in your crib I heard a choir of angels singing above me. There were 8 weeks or so of you doing this pretty much every night, with a few exceptions while you were trying to cut those horrid molars, but hey, that’s understandable. Then came vacation. You actually did amazingly well while we were out of town, despite the crazy schedule, sporadic naps, and getting to bed late pretty much every night. You ended up in bed with mom and dad a couple of times, but it was a nice big king size bed and there was plenty of room. The trouble happened when we came home.

Once we arrived back home from our trip, you forgot how to sleep without me attached to you. In fact, you pretty much forgot how to do anything without me attached to you. I can barely put you down without you screaming (unless there is food visible and within your reach, anyway). Bedtime is horrible. You scream and scream and scream until I finally give in because I’m afraid you are going to scream your lungs up. Eventually, I can get you to sleep by nursing you (which we were nearly done with before vacation but you have now let me know in no uncertain terms that the boobies are still yours) and then put you down in your bed. Some nights that works and you sleep through most of the night before the screaming commences, but others it doesn’t. Those nights are the ones when you wake up just as I try to lay you down and I wonder what on Earth ever possessed me to want to have these little screaming things called children. Ugh, mommy is tired, honey. So, you’ve ended up back in my bed more times that you should have lately and the end seems to be nowhere in sight. Seriously, mommy is tired. Sixteen months of not sleeping (shy of those 8 precious, glorious, weeks) is just too many. I need to sleep and so do you.

I know you have a lot going on. You are growing like a weed – 34 inches (>98th percentile – off the dang growth charts!) tall, and nearly 25 pounds. Plus, you just cut your first 4 molars and 4 incisors all seemingly at once – a total of 16 teeth! Besides all of the walking, climbing, and exploring, you are trying really hard to learn how to talk. You have several words that you use, but you spend a lot of time right now pointing and making sounds that we are supposed to translate into words. Your favorite word seems to be “daddy” as you go around saying it over and over and over again all day long. Sadly, when he tries to pay attention to you, you push him away. You can also say mommy, zach, evie, hi, hello, please, this, bopbop, yay-ya, something that sounds similar to caleb, and many other words that you repeat when you hear them. You also have started dancing whenever you hear music. I love that you are doing this and often turn music on just so I can watch you. It is the cutest thing. We used to have lots of dance parties in our house and I kind of miss them.

It may seem like I’m complaining a lot, but the truth is, I really just want to remember every little bit of your babyness. It is flying by so fast. I feel like I miss out on so many moments with you because I’m busy working, or busy with your brother and sister. I struggle to find the time to just sit and snuggle, which is why when you wrap your arms and legs around me and won’t let go as I’m trying to put you to bed I don’t struggle with you very long. We go right back to my chair and snuggle until you fall asleep in my arms. I know just how quickly these days will pass and you will no longer want to sit and snuggle with mom. You will be grown before I know it, though I hope you’ll still come back for a hug now and then. Until then, I’ll cherish ever minute of time with you I can get.

I love you so much, my little monkey!

Love,

Mama

p.s. Sorry for the lack of photos. You don’t hold still long enough for me to take them anymore!

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Happy 1st Birthday, Caleb!

Published by dee on February 19, 2013

Happy 1st birthday to my sweet little surprise! I can’t imagine our family without you. We love you SO MUCH!

i am one

cake smash

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Caleb – 7 Months

Published by dee on October 10, 2012

Dear Caleb,

They say that the last child is forgotten in photos, that their life as a child is not documented as the older children’s are. For you, this is certainly not true. Rarely does a day go by that I don’t snap a photo of you. I’m not sure whether to blame it on my increased love of photography or the fact that my iphone’s camera makes it so easy to pick up and snap those everyday moments, but I do know I treasure each and every photo.

Where I do feel I have failed you, my third (and last) child, is documenting your life in words. While I will never truly consider myself a writer, the most precious words I have ever written are those documenting the lives of my children. Sadly, I find it difficult to find the time to sit down and type the words out that I want to say so often. As you pass each new milestone, I try to reach back into my memory to compare you to when your brother and sister passed the same milestones and my memory fails me. To find my memories, I go back to the words I have written, and only then do I remember the details that are growing fuzzy. This is why I am so sad that I have not recorded the same memories for you.

You are seven months old, quickly coming up on eight, and you are the happiest baby I have ever had the opportunity to know. You flash your beautiful smile around to everyone you meet and almost always receive a smile in return. It is so rare to see you unhappy, that when you cry I know something must really be wrong. The last couple of weeks have been a little rough as you have been working on cutting some teeth, and then got a nasty cold on top of that. The last couple of days have seen great improvement though, and your joyful personality has been shining back through.

Developmentally, you are right on track. I have to watch your hands as you will grab anything within your reach. You can sit up on your own now, which makes it much easier to play with all of the toys we still have around from when Zach and Evie were babies. You have the fastest army crawl I think I’ve ever seen and are on the verge of full-on crawling (as soon as you figure out how to not tip forward). I keep thinking you are going to take off on your knees any day, but you are taking your time. That’s okay though, you move fast enough as it is. I already have to remind myself that I can’t leave you sleeping on the bed when I take my showers anymore. I may have to invest in a pack ‘n’ play for every room of the house to keep you contained.

You have started saying a few sounds that resemble words. The first clear repetitive sound was “da-da” (even though I’ll try to keep denying it). I’ve caught a “mama” a few times, and potentially an “ee-ee” here and there. Other sounds are still pretty random, but I have no doubt that you’ll be spouting off all kinds of stuff soon.

You have cut four teeth now, two on bottom and two on top. I’m glad they are coming in because you LOVE to eat. You seem to be quite bored with the mushy baby food though and would really like to eat what the rest of the family is eating most of the time. You love to feed yourself, so I’ve been trying to find soft veggies and fruits that you can pick up on your own. In the last week or so you’ve started fighting for the spoon too, but I’m not sure I’m quite ready for that mess yet!

The one thing you are doing slower than your siblings is using a sippy cup. It isn’t that you can’t or don’t want to use the cup, its that you don’t seem to keep down any liquid other than milk so I’m not sure what to put in the cup. You are still breastfeeding like a champ, but I can barely seem to pump enough milk for your bottles at day care so there isn’t any extra to try in the cup. I’m hoping this issue resolves itself as your reflux lessens, but for now, water and/or juice are not really an option.

I think your absolute favorite time of day is bath time. You seem to know what is coming when I undress you and as soon as I start walking toward the bathroom you start squealing and laughing. Your brother and sister fight nearly every night over who gets to take a bath with you. I think they secretly just enjoy getting to have you all to themselves for a few minutes. You love to splash in the water and play with the bath toys. I think you also love the slippery surface. You flip yourself back and forth from back to tummy, no matter how many times I try to keep you from doing it. You have no fear of the water and love to put your head and/or hands under the stream when the tub is filling.

As infectious as your smiles are, your laughter is even more so. You seem to have a great sense of humor already, and laugh often at the silliest things. You tease your daddy and giggle as you sit in his lap. Your brother and sister can crack you up in an instant. You absolutely love all of our animals and laugh as you put them through your very own brand of torture. (Fortunately, they don’t seem to mind losing clumps of fur too much.) My favorite though, is when I get you right on your best tickle spot – just under your neck, along the collar bone. It was a little tickle there that resulted in your first belly laugh, and I’ll never forget it.

My sweet baby, you are so surrounded by love. Your brother and sister absolutely adore you. Your cousins just cannot get enough of you. Your grandparents, aunts, and uncles love you so much. You have so many extended family members thinking of you, praying for you, and loving you from afar. As for your dad and I? Words can not possibly describe how much love we have for you. My hope is that you always feel that love as you grow and depend on it when things get hard and you need an extra little push in life.

These letters to you may be few and far between. I may not be able to keep up with every milestone or every birthday. Even if I never write another one, I wanted to at least get this down, to remember this time in our fast-paced lives. I hope that somehow, somewhere, this letter survives and that you have the chance to read it someday. When you do read it, I want you to know what an unexpected blessing you are in our lives. I can’t imagine a world without you in it.

Love always,
Mama

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