Author: dee

Isabel had a great post about concerts that got me to thinking.  It brought back flashing memories of NKOTB, Smashing Pumpkins, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and many other bands that I’ve seen.  Man I do miss the concert season.  For me, summer used to be all about what concerts I was going to see.  In the Spring I would listen carefully to the radio and scour the internet for concert announcements in my area.  Our best concert venue is an outdoor amphitheatre, so the best concerts were always here in the summer.  For the really important ones, like Pearl Jam and Dave Matthews Band I would go stand in line hours before the tickets went on sale in hopes of getting the best seats possible. 

I once created a list of all of the bands that I have seen in concert.  There were over 100 bands on the list and that didn’t even include most of the opening bands or all of the local bands I’ve seen.  I guess its a good thing that I gave up trying to buy an overpriced t-shirt at every concert I went to a long time ago.

These days I don’t get to very many concerts.  In fact I think I’ve only been to three concerts since I found out I was pregnant with Zach.  Between the cost of the tickets and having a baby to take care of, concerts just aren’t a first priority any more.  I really miss it though.  I love seeing bands play live and getting lost in the music.  Hopefully I’ll get to go to at least one this year, but I’m not holding my breath.

With all of the shows I have seen there are a few that really stand out in my memory.  One of those that really stands out was New Kids On The Block, even though I hate to admit it.  The reason it stands out is that it was my very first "real" concert.  My parents gave my sister and I both tickets for Christmas but only on the condition that they went with us.  I think they might have regretted that decision after a night of listening to screaming pre-teen girls, but we had a great time.  Those ugly green t-shirts with the puffy paint on them that we got at the show and wore every day for the next couple of months proved it.

There were a few more concerts in between, but the next one that really stands out was Tom Petty when I was sixteen.  I was at work one day when my boyfriend came strolling in and surprised me.  He had gotten some tickets for the show that night and had even already asked my parents if I could go.  I was so shocked that he had done that, plus it was the first concert I was ever allowed to attend sans parents.  Taj Mahal was the opening act.  I don’t remember much about him except for the song about women and big butts.

The next one that comes to mind was the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert during the One Hot Minute tour.  I barely got away with going to that one.  I asked my mom, who said to ask my dad, who said to ask my mom, and on and on.  They were pretty opposed to the lyrical content of the Chili Peppers’ music, but finally gave in because I wouldn’t quit asking.  We got floor tickets and got totally trampled in the mosh pit but it was a blast.  I was quite lucky to have my boyfriend there to pull me up when I got knocked over or I probably wouldn’t have fared to well.

Then there was the Dave Matthews concert where we ended up getting front row seats.  Amazing.  It was incredible to be that close to the band.  I swear I made eye contact with Dave, but everybody else sitting that close probably thought they did too.  We totally lucked out in getting those tickets.  We were at a Hootie and the Blowfish concert when they announced that they were going to sell lawn tickets to DMB.  We figured we might as well go ahead and get some but when we got up to the ticket counter, they offered us front row.  We were so psyched for that concert!

Next is my beloved Pearl Jam.  Really every time I have seem them sticks out because they are one of my favorite bands to see live.  I suppose the first time was the most emotional.  I won’t say by who, but tears were shed at that show for the mere excitement of actually seeing them live.  Then there was the Knoxville show that we road tripped to with my ex-husband and our two best friends.  Not only was it one of the best concerts I’ve seen, but one of the most fun trips I’ve ever been on as well.  Hey, is that Graceland?

There are others that stand out, like the first time I saw Sarah McLachlan.  The Alabama goodbye tour was amazing as well.  The first Shinedown show I saw at a little club here in town where I was so close the guys were sweating on me.  Audioslave, The Dixie Chicks, and many others.  I’m sure I’m forgetting some, but this is getting lengthy enough already.

I think I’m pretty lucky that I’ve already been able to see most of the bands on my "must see" priority list.  I’m hoping to see the Godsmack, Rob Zombie, Shinedown show this fall if I can manage to find the money to buy tickets.  I would also like to see KT Tunstall (who I just found out is coming to town) as well as Black Stone Cherry and Hinder (both of which I missed at Rockfest).  I really doubt I’ll get to go to any of those, but a girl can dream, right?

Yeah, right.  No deep thoughts from me today as I’ve already expended all of my mind’s energy elsewhere.  So here are some not so deep thoughts:

• The Weight Watchers Smart Ones Spicy Szechuan Style Vegetables and Chicken frozen meal thingie is actually pretty good…as far as diet food goes anyway.
• Diet? Was I on a diet? I don’t remember being on a diet.  Guess that’s why I haven’t lost any weight lately.  Guess I should throw away that big batch of cookies I made this weekend.  Perhaps I should have skipped that bag of pretzels I just ate too.
• One of the great things about being a couple sizes smaller than I was at this time the last few years is that I can pull out my old clothes and everybody thinks I have new clothes.  I walk in to work every day and my mom asks me if what I’m wearing is new.  Every day I tell her that it’s not and that I have no money to buy new clothes, yet she keeps asking.
• My mom really should know that I have no money for new clothes considering I still owe her $50 and I haven’t given her my rent yet this month…that was due on the 1st.  Only 4 more days until hubby gets paid!
• Picnics at the lake with good food and good friends are fun.  I should do that more often…when it is much cooler than it was here on Saturday.  Or maybe next time I should just strip down and take a dip in the lake.
• It is hard to work when all I can think about is what I’m doing next weekend.  A weekend at the lake with one of my best friends and her family is just what the doctor ordered.  Zach might even get to experience his first boat ride.  Many pictures will be taken.
• Hubby irritated the crap out of me all day yesterday, then wanted to have another "talk" lastnight.  Today he’s being all super sweet.  It makes me want to gag.

• My best friend’s birthday was yesterday and I didn’t even call her.  We celebrated Friday night, but the actual day was Sunday.  I’m such a bad friend.  Plus I had to tell her that I owe her a gift because I was too broke and too strapped for time to get it in time for the party.
• I used to complain about having no social life at all.  Now I complain because there is not enough time to fit everything in that I want to do with my firends and family.  I’m actually looking forward to winter when things slow down a little and we can spend more time at home.  I miss my couch and TV and crocheting and reading.
• I really, really, really want to have a huge garage sale and sell about half of my possessions.  Anyone want to help?  I’ll feed you.  I promise.
• I have a stack about 2 1/2 feet tall of magazines that have never been read.  Having a baby really cramped my reading time.  Throwing them away feels like throwing money away even though probably half of them were free.
• Diet Cherry Coke doesn’t taste nearly as bad as it used to.  Oh, that’s just me?  Okay.

Today a conversation prompted me to start thinking about the influences that my friends bring into my life and how those influences have changed who I am. When I think of the many friends I have had throughout my life, I start to see patterns in my own behavior. There have been times in my life when I was definitely hanging with the wrong crowd. I think that when I am around them, I allow them to influence my general tendency to be happy in life.

Right now, for instance, the friend that I spend the most time with has a bit of a drinking problem (not that I have a problem with drinking, just that with her it is excessive). Her husband is bi-polar and very dependent on a certain illegal drug. They also have a pretty explosive marriage and kids with various emotional problems. We hang out at their house almost every weekend and I find it to be a depressing environment. I love my friend and think that she is a really great person, but sometimes it gets hard for me to be there because it brings me down. Yet, when they invite us over I can’t say no because I think that Hubby and I bring a sense of normalcy and stability to their otherwise chaotic lives. They refer to us as their best (and only) “normal” friends.

I know that being in this environment is not necessarily good for me. I let myself get sucked into it. I see my attitude and general disposition change when I am there and wonder if it contributes to my overall unhappiness in life. Hubby and I have always tried to be a positive influence when we are there but after a while it is hard not to just give up. I find myself not wanting to be around them as much anymore. I crave friendships that can bring a positive influence to my life rather than the negative one that I get there.

I remember what it was like to have that positive influence. Once upon a time I had some really great friends, who I looked up to like no other. They seemed to have the perfect marriage from what I could see. They had three beautiful children that I loved like my own. They were always encouraging me and my ex to be the best that we could be in life. Being around them just made me happy. There was always such a positive vibe with them. Even though they were quite a bit older than us, they treated us as equals and we always had a fun time together. Unfortunately, I lost my friends in the divorce and I miss them almost as much as I miss my ex-husband sometimes.

I hate to think that that friendship was one of a kind, but since then I have never been able to find anyone who has the same effect on my life. I have plenty of friends and aquaintences, but no one who really brings me up and just makes me feel loved they way that they did. Sometimes I wonder if it is just that I unintentionally push those people away. I wonder if those people stay away because they see the negativity in me.

I really wish I could find a way to erase that negativity and just be happy again. I want to find that positive influence that I so desperately need in my life. I just don’t know where to look.