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Month: February 2006


My Grandfather passed away lastnight. I got the phone call at 11:38 p.m. It wasn’t shocking news, but waking from a dead sleep I was rather slow to react. He just turned 86 years old in December. We knew it was coming. He has been going downhill for quite a while now but just in the last couple of weeks we found out his kidneys were failing. He was taken to the hospital because he became dehydrated and we found out he also had pneumonia. He returned to his nursing home last Friday but was only expected to make it a few more weeks.

My uncle and his kids made plans to come in from Virginia to visit him one last time. Their flight was for next Friday. It is sad that they didn’t get a chance to see him, although seeing him in the condition he was in may not have left a very good memory.

I don’t know yet when funeral services will be, but I’m guessing it will be Monday. Maybe Tuesday if my uncle can make it in. I’m really hoping for Tuesday as Monday is my mom’s birthday. Even though he was my Dad’s father, my mom was very close to my Grandpa and continued to visit him even after she and my dad split up a few years ago. His death is probably harder on her than on me.

Even though I am sad, in a strange way I also feel relief. My Grandpa was ready to go. He’s been begging God for years to just go ahead and take him. He just was not happy sitting around the nursing home in a wheelchair all day. He never liked to sit still. He always had some kind of project he was working on. A few years ago he had a pretty bad stroke and then a series of small strokes that followed and he lost most of the use of his hands and his ability to read and write. There really just wasn’t much he could do besides sit and stare at the tv all day and that just didn’t satisfy him.

When I was in college I did a project for my geriatrics class where we had to choose an older family member and interview them about their life. I chose my grandpa. I video taped the interview and created a scrapbook of pictures that covered most of his life. I learned a lot about my Grandpa that day. You see, we were never very close. I was extremely close with my grandma when I was younger. She died when I was only ten and after that I had a very difficult time being around my grandpa. So, I really didn’t know very much about him. After the interview, I felt much closer to him. Now, I have the urge to pull out that video and watch it. I want to remember him the way he was then, before the stroke and the old age snuck in and changed him.

I really don’t know how to feel right now. I am sad that he is gone. Yet, at the same time, I am happy that he no longer has to suffer. I know he is going to a better place. I don’t really know what happens to you when you die, but I hope that his spirit will once again be with my Grandma and my uncle who passed before him.

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Hot Apple Pie

Hot Apple Pie. Doesn’t that just make your mouth water? A little vanilla ice cream on top for me please! Well, sorry I’m talking about the band, not the actual pie. Although, lead singer Brady Seals is quite yummy if you ask me. Apparently, they have been around for a while. So why in the heck did I just find out about them? Ok, I guess I didn’t just find out about them. I was introduced to them right after Christmas when my friend Amy was visiting. She popped them into the cd player one day. I wasn’t completely impressed with them right away, but hubby actually liked them which is very unusual considering he hates country music. For me they were just kind of okay, but had some catchy tunes.

Well, since then I’ve been carrying the cd around in the car with me and I have become totally hooked. I can sing every word of “Easy Does It” by heart although you wouldn’t want to hear it because it’s slightly out of my range in a couple spots. Zach hears it quite frequently though as it has become one of his favorite lullabyes. Then of course there is “The Good Life” which is constantly stuck in my head so I go around singing all day “I wanna ride the waves, tan my skin, dance with a girl I’ll never see again, and get tattooed.” In a weird way it reminds me of my trips to Florida with Amy. What I wouldn’t give for another one of those now! Pretty much every song on the cd has been my favorite at some point in the last few weeks.

I’ve been meaning to look the band up online for quite a while now but just finally got the chance today (once again that whole lack of time issue comes in). So, as I was reading their bio I was amazed to discover that each member has quite a background in music. I was delighted to find that Brady Seals was once part of Little Texas and co-wrote some of my all-time favorites “God Blessed Texas” and “What Might Have Been”. The others have been involved with some equally talented musicians and bands. If you pooled them all together the list is actually quite impressive. I guess that is why it works though. They are all very talented at what they do.

My point is, if you haven’t heard them, or even heard of them, you should check them out. Even if you aren’t a big fan of country music (like my hubby) there may be something there that sparks your interest. If you’re real lucky, they’ll get stuck in your head like they are in mine.

Now, where’s that slice of apple pie I asked for?

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I’m totally done feeling sorry for myself…for today anyway. This makes me feel much better.

jan_06 119

jan_06 120

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Release Me

Sometimes I feel like I need to sit down and blog just to relieve stress. When I first got into blogging I wasn’t really sure what I would do with it. I had heard of blogging and visited a few of the free blogging sites but just didn’t know if I would ever really use it or not. When I finally decided to start a blog of my own I struggled with what to write. Now, my struggle is what not to write. It seems like every time something happens in my life I want to sit down and write about it. Blogging is my release. I never in my wildest dreams would have imagined that I would depend on it so much.

That being said, now it is time to let go.

Do you ever feel like everything is pushing on you at once and that eventually you are just going to explode? That’s how I’ve been feeling the last couple of days. Hubby and I have once again gotten ourselves into a nice financial crunch. Unfortunately, he’s pretty much blaming it on me this time. Finances have been tight since we had Zach, but we have been getting by. Day care and diapers are expensive, but we already knew that. Where I screwed up was with my witholdings from my paycheck. When I was pregnant I changed my witholdings based on the fact that we would be able to claim Zach this year. I figured our taxes this weekend and our federal came out just fine with a pretty decent refund. But, our state did not come out so well. Turns out we owe quite a bit that we weren’t expecting to pay and we don’t have it. I know we have until April to pay it, but there is no extra to save back. Our federal refund was already reserved to pay our city taxes (quite a big chunk) and our property taxes. So, basically, we’re kinda screwed right now.

If I wanted to be responsible, I would cancel all of the birthday festivities that I have planned and save that money for the taxes, but I’m being very selfish. I NEED to celebrate my birthday this year and have a day that is all about me. But, after the birthday celebration, that’s it. No more spending money.

Besides the money issue, there is the lack of time. I know I’ve gone on and on about this but seriously, something has to let up somewhere. I have to find some extra time somehow. Sometimes I just feel like everyone wants something from me and I just can’t give any more. Work has been absolutely crazy and me staying home on Monday didn’t help that. I’ve got web sites that I have promised to do that I can’t even find the time to look at. Then, there is my Grandpa. He is very sick and it is looking like he will only make it a few more days. Even though he lives only a few miles from me, I can’t find the time to go visit him. By the time I get off of work at night, it is too late to go visit him. That breaks my heart.

Then of course there is the I-want-to-work-from-home issue. I had such a good day at home with Zach on Monday that it is making work even harder this week. Plus, his day care provider just accepted another baby that is only 5 1/2 months old, plus her sister who is 2 (maybe 3). That, once again, means less attention for Zach and I’m not really thrilled with that. The last couple of weeks there have been much better, but the two little girls started today and I’m a little worried about how that is all going to work. I still want to look for a back-up day care, but the financial and time issues are really holding me back on that one.

On a good note, I did go get my hair cut last week. My mom decided to pay for it for my birthday present. It is really short, but I think it’s cute. Plus, it is super easy to fix in the morning which really helps. Once my nasty eye infection goes away, maybe I’ll post a picture.

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